WONDERFLONIUM: Do Not Bounce

3:14pm: Good Idea / Bad Idea
Strangely, I've spent a notable portion of the past two days at the theater.

Exhibit A: J.J. Abrams's Star Trek.
Exhibit B: Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Seeing these movies back to back sort of invites comparison, and considering how, uh, different they are, the format that springs immediately to mind is Good Idea, Bad Idea from "Animaniacs".

( The effects-driven sci-fi franchise-revitalisation summer blockbuster edition! )

I think the real lesson here is never start a "yo' momma" fight with a half-Vulcan.

* Fine, I can't blame Michael Bay for that one. I still hate it, though.

2:05pm: And on the day the words 'flimsy excuse' were redefined, we stood in awe and watched.
I am so tired. I think I can rule out the possibility of taking a midday nap for the forseeable future, though.

( You guys, there is a Nanday conure in my bathroom. What do I do? )

RANDOM CONVERSATION OF RANDOM:

"Kyn, I'm in the mood for a movie, and I need you to pick one out."
"Okay," I replied, with enthusiasm: I'm good at picking out movies. "What kind?"
"Something surprising," eclipsegryph said. "Not suprising in itself, like 'wow, I thought this movie would suck, but it's actually really good*', but which contains a surprise with the plot or characters. Not random, though, nothing really surreal."
"You want a movie with a plot twist?"
"Maaaaybe," he allowed, "but it has to be good. Not 'the butler did it' or 'and then it turns out they were twins' or 'he was dead all along'" -- I quietly wrote down No M. Night Shyamalan -- "but something you don't see coming. Except that it was there the whole time. You know what I mean?"
"Okay, so I've got: surprising but not in a surreal way, twisty but not in an ass-pull way, totally unexpected but also brilliantly set up, and good." I wrote all this down dutifully. "Give me a bit. I'll find something."

A little while later: "Eclipse, was it you or selasphorus who said they had never seen Donnie Darko?"
"It was selasphorus."
"Dammit!"

And later: "Have you seen Brazil?"
"I think so. Was that the one with John Goodman?"
I added Has not seen Brazil to my notes and shifted it to the "Possible" column, even although it was probably a violation of the no surrealism clause. Then a thought struck me, like a fumbled Wii remote inevitably strikes the television screen: "What about The Usual Suspects?" I asked, handing him my VHS copy to scrutinize.
"I think I've heard of this," he said. "It turns out Kevin Spacey is Kaiser Sose, doesn't it?"
"But have you seen it?" I repeated.
"Well, no... but it won't surprise me if I already know how it ends, right?"
I suppressed a laugh that would probably have come out, if not Evil, certainly well beyond Chaotic Neutral. "Believe me, you'll still never see it coming," and I popped the tape into the player.

It's a terrible burden, being right all the time.




* You gotta be specific. Between the two of us, we've seen a lot of movies like this.

7:20am: Incidentally:
On my last ICFTBB entry, it occurred to me that there's another way I could post these mini-reviews. Since they're so short, I write them and then sit on them, to post in lots. However, I could just as easily post one at a time.

Advantages of posting one at a time: more entries more often, obviously. Disadvantages: most of these entries are likely to be really short. QUICKLY, TO THE POLLS.

Poll #1417062 It Came From the Bargain Bin: Post Format
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Should I post ICFTBB reviews in batches, or one at a time?

Upcoming titles that I have watched but not yet posted reviews for: MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS, FLU BIRDS, MERLIN AND THE WAR WITH THE DRAGONS, WAR BIRDS, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, RISE: BLOOD HUNTER.

5:57pm: It Came from the Bargain Bin III: Son of the Bargain Bin
Mostly I'm posting to justify my spending a significant portion of the past two days making one of those customized mood themes you all have. Drawing teeny condors in Paint is more fun than you'd think. Oh, and one eagle: for predatory, I had to ask lanakila to stand in, because Condors Don't Do That Sort of Thing.

BAD MOVIES AHOY!

Previously, on It Came from the Bargain Bin.

Look, I told you I was behind on these. And they're fun to write when I'm feeling snarky, so, without further ado, the Dragon Extravaganza edition of ICFTBB: if there's a shit movie with a dragon on the box, I've probably seen it.

*** = I'd watch it again.
** = Pleasantly surprising.
* = So bad, it's good.
- = So bad, it's AWFUL.
-- = Unpleasantly surprising.
--- = KILL IT WITH FIRE.

( Fire Serpent (2007) [---] )

( Dungeons & Dragons (2000) [-] AND Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005) [**] )

( Netherbeast Inc. (2007) [***]. )

* Great parenting, there, Mom. By the way.
** For fun, the Slither version of this exchange:
Jack McCready:"Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?"
Bill Pardy: "Jesus Christ, Jack, let me get right on it!"
Black Sheep version:
Experience: "What is wrong with you?"
Henry: "Ovinophobia, my therapist calls it."
Experience: "What's that mean?"
Henry: "It's the completely unfounded and irrational fear that one day exactly this is going to happen!"†

† I told you I love this genre.‡

‡ Incidentally, reading Terry Pratchett in excess of the daily recommended dose (see your physician for details) may cause dry mouth, watery eyes, and a tendency to footnote your footnotes.

5:17pm: You fool! You don't know the power of Styrofoam!
Yesterday, my house was invaded by knee-high sheepdogs.

( The exterminator still hasn't called me back. )

In summary, shelties are awesome. And Jackels are pretty awesome, too, even if their taste in movies leans occasionally toward the atrocious. (Not that I'm complaining.)

6:58pm: DOGGLE UPDATE: Feeling Much Better, Thanks, So Please Stop Harassing Me With The Camera


On Sunday, he couldn't even pick up that ball. Getting to play a quick game of catch with him in the backyard today makes me tremendously happy.

9:00pm: So cute, the birds wear beards.
Sometimes I really wonder what a bird's sense of taste is actually like. I was out of juice to use as conure bribes, so I gave Firefly a little tiny bit of lemonade. He touched it with his tongue and flipped his wings so hard in surprise that he almost went over backwards - before going straight in for more.

Also, his favorite word this week is "Weird."

2:14pm: Things That Are All selasphorus's Fault:
I trotted across a few miles of pasture today with a pair of quite superlative bins and a Sibley guide to see what was going on at the reservoir. DUCK PARADISE, it turns out.

We saw:
YELLOW-HEADED BLACKBIRD
RED-WINGED BLACKBIRD (BICOLOR)
YELLOW-RUMPED WARBLER (butterbutt!)
COMMON YELLOWTHROAT
CHIPPING SPARROW
HOUSE SPARROW
BARN SWALLOW
MOURNING DOVE
AMERICAN COOT
MALLARD
WOOD DUCK
CANADA GOOSE
CANVASBACK
REDHEAD
RUDDY DUCK
NORTHERN SHOVELER
NORTHERN PINTAIL
COMMON MERGANSER
AMERICAN WHITE PELICAN (omg!)
RING-NECKED PHEASANT
GRAY PARTRIDGE
SWAINSON'S HAWK
ROUGH-LEGGED HAWK
REDTAILED HAWK
NORTHERN HARRIER

... and that's just today.

10:11am: Things I Am Less Than Fifty Yards From:
10. A herd of pronghorns (10 or 12 head).
9. A Swainson's hawk.

Things I Am Less Than Five Yards From:
8. No fewer than seven wildlife art prints.
7. My mother, watching "The Young and the Restless" (which she has faithfully watched since she was pregnant with me).
6. A full set of golf clubs and a bucket of mixed balls.

Things I Am Less Than Five Feet From:
5. A telephone with a rotary dial.
4. An orange tabby cat.
3. A .22 rifle with a scope (apparently someone likes to shoot gophers from the office window while waiting for IE to load, Dad).
2. A Labranard.
1. An unbroken 30-year run of National Geographic.

There are things I love about Montana. :>

5:38am: Back from Yosemite, YAY!
Off to Montana, whee!

11:52am: Parrot: The Birdening.


( WAIT NO IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE I SWEAR. )

7:51pm: +birdgeek
I was walking home today when I heard a red-winged blackbird, a bushtit, California quail, a robin, a black phoebe, a mallard, a kingfisher, and a mourning dove all singing loudly in the same tree! Wow! And a car alarm, too!

...okay, it could have been a mockingbird.

5:12pm: Weird Crap on the Internet #4906
Things Mr. Welch can no longer do in an RPG.

Some choice selections:
1040. I can not name my character anything that was suggested by Tom Servo.
1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
1076. When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.
1117. Can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, no matter what we all know it’s made out of.
1172. My brooding costumed vigilante can’t take the flaw Dark Secret: Well Adjusted to Society.
1230. It’s okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can’t name my Garou Namflow.
1235. Not allowed to use the replicator and transporter to fill the Bird of Prey with Jello.
1289. Even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy. Yes, even if I have one on each barrel.

Yes, #1-1000 do exist and are funny, but are a little difficult to find, and excessive rummaging around in people's LJs makes me feel like a stalker. You know. In a bad way.

11:28am: It Came from the Bargain Bin II: Revenge of the Bargain Bin
The Story So Far.

Quite a lineup today. I need to remember to do this more frequently, since the worst thing about terrible movies is how dreadfully easy they are to forget. It's like a self-defense mechanism. I'm trying not to think about having to watch Dungeons & Dragons AGAIN so I can write it up properly.

Anyway, here you are: more movies I only watched to save everyone else the trouble.

*** = I'd watch it again.
** = Pleasantly surprising.
* = So bad, it's good.
- = So bad, it's AWFUL.
-- = Unpleasantly surprising.
--- = KILL IT WITH FIRE.

( Sharks in Venice (2008) [-] )


( Dragonquest (2009) [--] )


( Zombie Nation (2004) [---(-)] )


( Men With Brooms (2002) [***] )

12:36pm: "Mr. Cotton's... parrot. Same question."
I don't usually like to post single parrot pics, because they are Boring, but. If you have a parrot and a camera both within arm's reach, you will inevitably point the latter at the former. It's like a law of nature. Even though the lighting is terrible, I still find this picture of Ninja weebling around on the play cage to be hilarious:

( One Second Before the Dog Got Up and Left. )

*FLING!*

7:20am: Roller-skating sharks. Make a note.
I think I'll mosey on down to Copperfield's today. For some reason, I feel like patronizing my local independent bookstore.

Also: Is there something in the water? ( The writing bug is chewing on my brain again. )

Note to self: A roller-skating shark would be awesome. Probably not if it was a skate, though. That would just be confusing.

I made a fennel & goat cheese quiche on Saturday that was delicious. I really should make quiche more often. I'd forgotten how easy it was, even with homemade pie crust.

Once I manage to tear myself away from reading cleolinda's Secret Life of Dolls, I will consider such things as "food" and "books" and "waking up selasphorus so we can Do Stuff" (Tag's in there with her, and he exudes Sleep Pheromones or something: it is impossible to get out of bed/ off the Napping Couch once he curls up on your legs. For more reasons than merely "he's heavy". Truth!).

5:47pm: That's what it's all about.
I've been slacking on the bird pictures lately, for several reasons. 1. Firefly still believes the New Camera might eat him, so photos of His Conureness tend to be Very Pointy. And 2. everyone else is currently explodamolting and looks as though they're suffering from either an acute parrot moth infestation, or possibly the plague.

A bath sequence is okay, though. Bathing parrots always look like they're delighted to be coming down with leprosy, so explodamolt won't matter. (Sorry, bloolark.)

( The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the Hokey Pokey and turn themselves around. )

Additionally, if you missed this the first time it cycled through Livejournal, here's Take On Me: The Literal Music Video Version, which just never stops being funny, even if you watch it three or four times in a row. AND THERE'S A BUNCH MORE NOW! White Wedding: The Literal Music Video Version. 'Scuse me whilst I LOL across the universe.

There's also a Literal Music Video Version of "The Boy In The Bubble" by Paul Simon that makes me laugh whenever I see it, but it's, uh, the actual music video. LASERS. ELEPHANTS WITH LASERS YOU GUYS. (Confession time: I love that song. But... elephants with lasers!)

10:02am: An Unexpected Gift
I thought I'd seen the last of rain for this year. The sudden downpour feels like a benediction, an unasked-for sense of peace.

9:44pm: A Public Service Announcement
( The following is a paid announcement from the supporters of Ninja Q. Parrothead, Esq. )

8:48am: Spring = Sprung
AAARGH SPRING. "Ah, spring, the time of year when a young parrot's fancy turns to PURE CRAZY." It's not their fault, of course. Their reproductive organs swell and start taking up valuable brain space, which is why Firefly is masturbating in his food dish again, and Kalu can't have anything warm and mushy to eat lest she become Overwhelmed By The Sexiness Of It All and attempt to molest my elbow or something (Kalu's strategy: if I attempt to feed all of Kyn's body parts, eventually I will get the right one). And Ninja . . . oh, Ninja.

This morning, well before his usual wake up time, I heard him making noise under the cage cover. This isn't, by itself, unusual, since he'll occasionally wake up around midmorning, get a drink of water or move to a different perch, and go back to sleep for a couple of hours. This, however, sounded like panting, almost like his patented Pionus wheeze that he uses when he's scared. Worried that there was something terribly frightening in there with him, I lifted the cage cover, just a little, to check on him, and there he was, hunkered on the cage grate. This is a Very Worrying sign for parrot owners, so I uncovered him to see what was wrong. He immediately started climbing up to the top of the cage to greet me, apparently fine and dandy . . . except that as he moved to begin climbing, something fell out from underneath him, slipped between the grate bars, and went *crack-splat* onto the liner.

An egg. A little pionus egg. Yep, Ninja is, after all, definitively and conclusively A GIRL. Proof that even a DNA sex test is wrong about a tenth of a percent of the time, but still, I'm floored. Wait 'til Dr. Ru hears about this. Although I probably should have known all along, come to think of it:

( Incontrovertible Proof of Girlyness. )

5:28pm: "It's not the size of the army: it's the fury of its onslaught."
NOTE TO SELF: Next time eclipsegryph,after clinking bottles together for a few minutes in the pantry, hands you a glass of something and says "Try this; it'll knock your socks off," DON'T DRINK IT. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE NOT WEARING SOCKS.

Additionally, I seriously just figured out why I kept seeing people wearing a lot of green today. By the deaf and merry god of snakes, I need a nap. *nods*

10:35am: ATTN: selasphorus
Since you'll probably see it here faster than if I stick a note to something in the house: I'm briefly home for lunch, as I picked up some extra hours at work (whee) and won't be back back until 3:30 or thereabouts.

WHY IS MY TEA TAKING SO LONG? WHY? *woe*

9:53am: Fighting Fire with Marshmallows
Bit of a rant this morning while I'm waiting for my kettle to heat up, since I've seen a particular attitude recently on a bunch of journals I read, and frankly, while I appreciate the spirit in which it's usually said, the phrasing continues to irk me. It usually looks like this:

"Don't breed or buy while shelter animals die!"
"Everyone should spay/neuter their pets."
"In fact, it should be illegal to have un-altered cats or dogs!"

While I agree that neutering cats and dogs (and ferrets, rabbits, rats, etc.) is frequently a good idea, the "OMG SPAY/NEUTER OR ELSE" movement is full of such rampant asshattery that I regularly find myself on the other side of the argument: namely, that there are also perfectly good reasons NOT to spay/neuter (or at least, not to spay/neuter right away), and that "owns an intact dog" is not a longhand form of "SPO". Recall that I spent a significant portion of my life around show dogs of all breeds and varieties, who are the most mellow dogs you'll ever see, and pretty much the one thing they all have in common is the possession of a functional set of reproductive organs. All that "intact dogs are unmanageably aggressive, fight with other dogs, roam at will" malarkey ain't gonna fly, and I wonder what all of this demonization of unaltered dogs is going to accomplish, other than perpetuating myths that are pretty unfortunate already. While neutering can be "brain surgery" for specific behavioral problems, mostly having to do with hormonal aggression and territoriality, it isn't a magical cure for all behavioral issues - and cancer! An intact dog is exactly the same as a neutered dog, provided you're doing what you should be doing with your dog anyway: that is, training and supervising it. All of that "you need to spay/neuter your dog, otherwise either 1) he'll roam the neighborhood jumping bitches' fences or 2) she'll get instantly pregnant as soon as she sets foot outside, and then you'll have an unplanned mongrel litter to deal with" always reads to me as "you need to spay/neuter your dog, since you're planning to neglect it anyway." Neutered dogs can certainly stray, too: I have living proof of that concept curled up on my foot gnawing his rawhide.

In summary, my points here are twofold.

1.) There is an overpopulation of companion animals that can reasonably be called a crisis, but, and this is important, ethical breeding is not contributing to it. The puppy mills, backyard breeders, and pet retailers whose profit margin is secured by encouraging impulse buying are exceeding the demand for the animals that are their product. A responsible breeder, by definition, is not: if the demand (a waiting list of screened homes) does not exceed the potential supply, the mating doesn't happen, and therefore, neither do the puppies.

Additionally, in the dog fancy specifically, I've known very few good breeders who were not involved in, at the least, breed rescue. *gasp* Amazing, I know, but it is possible to breed AND rescue. I've never known a single breeder who wouldn't take their puppies or adults back if a home didn't work out, or who wouldn't move heaven and earth to get their dog back if he or she, despite the odds, ended up in a shelter or, gods forbid, a puppy mill. This puts the responsible breeders on our side, in case you didn't notice.

2.) Any statement to the effect of "every time you breed or buy, shelter animals have to die", while it makes for a good bumper sticker, is assuming an equivalency that just does not exist. It is, in fact, exactly the same premise that Average Joe Pet Owner, going in to buy a puppy for his kids, is using when he hears that a Lab puppy from the shelter, vaccinated, wormed, vetted and with a spay coupon, is $170, but there's a guy at Wal-Mart selling six-week-old Lablets out of the back of his truck for $50 each, and heads off to Wally World to pick out a puppy. "If all other things are equal, shouldn't you just get whatever dog is cheapest" and "if all other things are equal, shouldn't you get whatever dog needs a home the most?" are equally misguided statements, because all other things aren't equal. The right dog for you may need a very specific set of qualifications, in which case, you might be better off going to a breeder whose animals meet those qualifications than you would be looking randomly at the animal shelter. Granted, you may find the perfect dog in rescue: but it's a gamble, and when the ultimate goal in mind is a relationship for life, some people aren't comfortable playing puppy roulette. That doesn't make them Teh_Evil, it makes them aware of their limits as pet owners . . . and it would be nice to see more of that kind of awareness.

If you can take in a stray, or an animal from a shelter or rescue group, good for you. If you know exactly what you want, and you're willing to go through the trouble of locating The Perfect Breeder (a process which necessitates contact with several less-than-perfect breeders to be certain you've found the right one) and then undergoing a reference check and sitting for months or years on a waiting list to get the puppy/dog of your dreams, also good for you.

This isn't a slam on anyone who reads this journal directly; at worst, it's a warning not to get caught up in rhetoric. If you believe that strong (preferably rhyming) statements are the way to get the aforementioned Average Joe Pet Owner's attention off his wallet for a second, fine: just don't forget what the real problems are.

3:43pm: MOAR PHOTOS PLZ.
( Pictures from the Oakland Zoo. )

12:48pm: "I have the utmost respect for such an adorable little culture."
While eclipsegryph and selasphorus enjoy a romantic lunch for two, I stay at home and play with parrots.

Ocean is a remarkably biddable little bird, when he has the space to be himself and other birds around for reassurance. In just a week and a half out of quarantine, he's eating pellets, and will sit on my finger inside his cage to eat millet. (His little blue feets are adorable.) He's still a little dubious on the subject of fresh food and mulch, but it willing to at least pick through a dish of veggies/mulch and fling it around. He actually might have an adoption-in-progress already: someone wants to adopt a masked lovebird. They specifically want a male*, and are willing to plump for a sex test, so if Ocean's not a "she" . . . he might have a home! Woo! (Well, equal parts "woo!" and "aww", but you know.)

Unfortunately, the photos I took suck. Holding a hangry cheepy on one hand and photographing it with the other is a little beyond my multitasking skills, but I'm not going to let mere incompetence get between me and my urge to post photos on the Internet.



( MOAR! )

Greedy little sod. Cute, though. Really, powerfully cute. When he had polished off all the millet and jumped back to his boing, I gave some love (and crumbs) to Firefly, and Ocean's sad little chrk? of disappointment from behind me won him a few extra bites of millet, because I am a Sucker and all animals realize this instantly. BOY IT SURE IS A GOOD THING HE'S NOT STAYING HERE.

So that's all the news that's fit to print. Serious post maybe later. Or not. You know me. As you may have gathered over the years, I don't do the Ides-of-February thing to any degree (although I do appreciate Half-Price Chocolate Day on the fifteenth), but that doesn't mean I have any objection to those who do. Still, for me, it's a day better spent on drinking tea and reading, and I've got The Lies of Locke Lamora well-started on a re-read this morning.

Hmm. Speaking of which, I hope there's nothing screwy going on with The Republic of Thieves. It was supposed to be available on the 24th, but Amazon.com doesn't have any release date posted for the title, and I fear a delay. Which happens, but still, disappointing if it's the case. In the past week, I've read Red Seas Under Red Skies twice in anticipation (yes, they're THAT kind of books), and having to hold out until summer for the next Gentleman Bastards episode might result in a small, private amount of whining.




* Which I can sort of understand. Egg-laying, egg-binding, and broodiness is categorically a Giant Pain in the Ass, and not something every pet owner wants to deal with.